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Nurse In ProgressAugust 10 Woops!The correct address for my blog is www.nurse-in-progress.blogspot.com
I linked to the one that mysteriously dissapeared in the previous post. Woops. That's what a nice bottle of wine does to me LOL Moving!Moved over to blogger because I hate hate hate the new spaces thing. See me here. August 01 Overload?I was out this afternoon picking up some things for the new place, and I got to thinking about all the stuff going on in the next month or so. I started thinking about working full time and going to school full time. I thought about all the running around (run around in the morning getting everyone ready, run kids to daycare, run to work, run back to daycare at 4:30, run home, cook dinner, do baths and bedtime stories, sign on and jump into 3 online courses, wednesdays do my one course on campus, miscellaneous appointments here and there) and I thought... holy sh*t how am I going to manage all of these things and still do my homework and keep up with classes?
I know I am going to be completely fried at first. I was used to working second shift, now I have to get used to first. I was also used to having someone else here... not that he did a whole lot around here besides spend time with the kids. He didn't like to clean, he didn't ever cook when I was home. If I think back, we didn't spend a whole lot of time at home together with the kids. He was at work during the day, I was at night. Days off didn't really match up. But, near the end he was of NO help around here for keeping things up. He just "watched the kids". According to them, he spent time sleeping on the couch when he was home alone with them, so who knows what they did. But, it was someone else here.
I know I will have help. I have people who are more than willing to come by and spend time with the kids or help me out if I need time to manage school work. It's just going to be a challenge. Online courses are self-driven. You have to log on, you have to participate in message boards. You have to do a lot of reading. I have two courses that are going to require a lot of reading, and research papers. English especially. Thesis, essay, etc. Psych... gosh I don't even want to think about psych. I've taken psych before, but not on a college level, so I am sure the workload is going to be massive.
English kind of scares me. I've always been good with english, even though I don't use proper english all the time and don't follow the rules of grammar. I can spell, which is a plus... but that doesn't get papers written. I have been checking out the preview of Blackboard on the college site, and I am sort of intimidated. I know I can write. I love to write. I just need to follow the "rules". I forsee my lunch breaks at work being filled with psych and english and math. I am not sweating the med terminology whatsoever. I've taken this course, used the same book... so it will be no issue. Thankfully, I decided to take this course this semester. I think it will ease the burdon somewhat.
I don't know. I'm sure it will work itself out. It will take some adjusting. It will take discipline. I have had an outpouring of support from every dirfection imaginable these past few weeks. I know that things will be ok, I just have to keep up my confidence, keep my eye on the goal. If it proves to be too much, I can always go to half time or 3/4 time in January. I just need to make it through to December 21st.
Have faith, just have faith. You can do this. You know you can. July 30 Crazy!I signed the lease today, it felt SO good. I am cleared for August move-in, and the landlord said everything should be complete by mid-August so I can move in totally in like 2 weeks. Can you imagine? I've spent the afternoon packing up my closet, and will pack the remaining stuff in this office tonight. I'm so excited. The kids are getting excited too, now that they understand that they actually do get to bring ALL their things. They thought everything got left behind. No... lol only your father does that. I would never say that to them, but I sure as hell thought it!
I just found the motherload of toys in a big box stuffed deep in the back of my closet. The girls are just amazed, and will probably not want to stop playing for dinner. I've been so busy packing clothing and stuff that I haven't even thought about dinner.
I think I forgot to mention the porch in my last post. The back porch on this apartment is enclosed, with 12 windows. There are screens in some, but all the storm windows were pulled down and screening was installed over them. The landlord is going to rip out the screening so I can open up all the windows. It is going to be so heavenly out there. It is about the size of my current living room. There is a ceiling fan, outlets, and plenty of room for a futon/couch, a few chairs, some tables and what have you. I can't wait to make this my little room. I don't know how warm it will be in the winter time, but it sure will be nice this fall! I want to get some hanging plants and a few lamps... I could totally see reading out there or doing my homework for school. It's the neatest little porch.
I'm just so happy. I haven't felt this happy in I don't know how long. The past few weeks have slowly been improving... especially on the relationship front. I can't wait to add my job and school to all of this. I know I will be stressed, but I think it will be a good thing. Busy busy busy... moving forward. It's going to be so healthy for all of us.
July 29 Rock Bottom.You have to hit it, before you rise above it.
A few weeks back, I had hit rock bottom. I had no job, had shut off notices piling up, was late on rent, had a car that was illegal to drive, and had just been lied to repeatedly (and found out I had been in a relationship for a VERY long time for no reason, only because he wanted to be with the kids who he now doesn't call). I hit rock bottom. I had believed before that things were going to be different. I had WANTED them to be different. Better. I thought I was working towards these goals with someone. He is long gone, and thankfully, so are those days of deciet and uselessness. But, I had to hit the rock bottom before they all went away.
Now, things are vastly different. I am so thankful. I got more wonderful news today. I found an apartment. It's great, too. A little smaller than the one I have now. 2 bedrooms instead of 3. But, there are countless plusses... so many that they truly outweigh all those small, insignificant differences.
Not only is the rent cheaper, but the man who is going to rent to me... I wanted to make out with him for the deal he handed me. He accepted me on the spot without an application. Bonus. My credit is completely screwed from selfless acts of giving all that I had for the family. My name was on every bill, a few that had to be shut off because the balance was so large we couldn't pay it. My name was also the primary one on the checking account, which subsequently was overdrawn and is still in the negative... and by a lot. The ex can open a checking account, so it is fairly obvious who is screwed on that one. He is now termed, affectionately of course
 , the worst screw of my life in every possible way. Anyways. The rent is cheaper and get this... I only have to pay first month rent to get in the door. No last months rent, no security deposit. I even get to have a kitty if it so moves me. I'm so thrilled. I have to get a washer, dryer, and fridge. He turned me on to this scratch and dent store down the street, so I will have to make a visit there. The washer and dryer are right in the kitchen pantry area, so I don't even have to go down stairs to do laundry.
AND THERE'S A DISHWASHER. AND THE DISHWASHER IS NOT ME.
I almost, okay I lied, I DID drool on myself when they told me that it was, in fact, a dishwasher, and it did, in fact, work. There was a lot of commas in that sentence... but hell, there was a lot of drool. There are some cool closets and storage areas, a HUGE fenced in backyard in which my kids can play. It is all grassy, and the landlord is going to yank out all the bushes and growth and make it purdy. There is a storage shed which I can put some stuff in. Plus, he is re-doing the basement and putting in storage down there. I am in love. In love with place. In love with the deal. In love with the location. In love with the thought of *finally * moving out of this apartment. Can't ever change that I had kids with him (and would never change those kids, anyways!) BUT... I can change EVERYTHING ELSE. It feels incredible to do so.
So, a recap. Everything feels so damn good, I feel like making a list, in no particular order.
Things are FINALLY turning around. |
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